mmmmm

We talk and I feel like a kid in a candy store. I can't help but smile.

I was feeling sleepy and then he called. We talked about everything and I found myself giggling throughout our conversation. I can hear a smile on his face. Now after hanging up I feel so awake and happy. He has a way of making me open up by feeling so safe.

Mmmm I can't wait until we talk again.

Uh-oh

So I have a little problem.........I can't remember something that I really need to remember.

This is what happened. I was sitting and talking with someone and the conversation went from one topic to another. We started talking about trust and how relationships are built. Apparently whatever I said this person thought was absolutely beautiful and for the life of me I can't remember what I said.

From what I gather is that I spoke from the heart and I didn't intellectualize things like I normally do. I am surprised and shocked that I can't remember the details of the conversation or what I said. Yes I was exhausted that day because I had only slept 3 hours but why can't I remember??

In general I am a very guarded person. I don't speak about my feelings but try to figure them out on my own (hence the crazy runs). I wish I had a tape in my brain that I could just rewind and hear what I said.

Ugh.

Such a good song.....Mary J. Blige - Each Tear ft. Jay Sean

Brain overload

Don't you hate it when you're tired and want to sleep but your brain won't give you the rest?

There's a lot on my mind lately but I can't seem to organize my thoughts. One of the things I've been thinking about is my last trip to see the bf. As much as I'd like to say I've moved past everything that happened, I haven't. The whole trip just left a bad taste in my mouth, so much so that my parents are going to visit and I'm not going with them. Usually I would have used their trip as a perfect excuse to go with them to see the bf, but I can't do it.

In my last post I shared my questions about a person and the package they come with and it got me thinking more about his package. If it were him and him alone I would feel like the luckiest girl in the world. He's a good person with a kind heart and is crazy about me, but the package causes drama (as seen during my last vacation) and problems/agruments arise between us because of that package.

So now I'm at a crossroads. Do I tell him honestly everything I don't like about the package even though I know it will upset him or do I use this time away and see if I feel differently?

Ugh, I'm the worst person at faking that everything is ok when there's something bothering me, but I hate the idea of upsetting him.

The more I think about things the more I realize that if he had just stuck up for me I probably wouldn't feel this way. One of these days I'll share the details of everything that happened during that trip, but for now I just wanted to vent a little. Sorry.

Wondering

So how do you know you're with the one?

Sometimes I feel like I've met the one and other times I find myself taking a couple steps back. Its not just about the person but the package that comes along with that person. Do you mesh with his family, friends, etc?

How do you know when to overlook things and focus on the big picture?

Needless to say I've spent a lot of time thinking about my last trip to see the bf and I'll be honest with all the drama that happened it has left a bad taste in my mouth.

So how do you know?

Today is not the day

So I have a deadline for something I've been working on today and of all the days...today I'm dealing with writer's block...seriously I keep staring at my computer screen and my notes but can't think of a way to converge the two together...uuuuuggggghhhhhhh

Why can't my brain have different switches that can just be turned on as needed..one would be eloquent writer for times like this..another would be master of words when it comes to responding to something someone really (rreeeaallllyyy) annoying just said..

Exhausted

Have you ever been too exhausted to do anything? I miss quality sleep and it's killing my energy level.